complications

Hey everyone

I know it's been ages since I have been here.
I feel bad for that
and for the fact that I haven't lost anything since my last post - but thankfully haven't gained
I have no idea how I've managed to keep a stable weight
but I'm not going to complain

so
my partner knows
I was having a bad night and he started complaining about feeling fat after eating McDonalds
he'd been doing that a lot actually, complaining about his weight
so I turned on him after he said it for about the 5th time in 10 minutes
and I basically said to him that I didn't want him to turn into me
he knows I had problems with eating in the past
so to start with I just made it out like I didn't want him to be like "I used to be"
but then I just forgot about tenses and started talking in the now
and had to explain to him that I sort of go through phases
happy with my weight for a month or so, hate myself for a while
he didn't freak and tell me to eat like I thought he would
he actually listened
and understood
he said as long as I don't get tooo thin, he doesn't care
as long as I'm happy

if only things were so easy with my parents
I'm visiting them at the moment
just for a week
and since the moment I got here mum has been telling me I need to eat
that I need to gain weight
and that I should drink 'protein drinks' because I'm vegetarian, and so I gain weight
its all about the weight to her
so i've been eating like what kinda seems to be 'normal'
I don't think I'm going over 1000cal
but it looks like a lot
so she is off my back a tiny bit
but I know I'm going to gain this week
can't wait til Sunday
going home and getting my food back under control

I'll be moving out with my partner then
so that will be the real test
will he be able to stand me when we're alone together?
will he still not care 'as long as I'm happy'?
we shall see
life will get interesting - probably complicated - over the next few weeks

stay tuned folks
love and thin vibes to all
stay strong

xxx