Failure

I'm a fat cow
simple as that
I ignored the voice in my head
and my common sense
and all rational thought
for some fucking pizza
and a handful of raspberry lollies

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I was doing well
I had about 200cal worth of banana pancakes for breakfast
at lunch I had a banana
(yes I like banana)

and I was planning on having one slice of pizza
ONE SLICE
just because we were having a pizza party with my partners parents and some friends
but I went ahead and ate the WHOLE FUCKING THING
a piece of lebanese bread with tomato and bbq sauce
with tomato, pineapple, capsicum, red onion, and cheese on it
dinner-plate size
and I ate the whole thing

I'M A FAT PIG
its disgusing
I was happy today too
I managed to weigh myself
sort of
I used the scales at the BF's parents house
after breakfast, while partly dressed (as in I took my jeans off to weigh myself)
and I was 44.8kg - thats below 100lbs (about 99ish)
in the middle of the day
after drinking, eating breakfast, and while being partly dressed

and then I fuck it up with pizza
and to make matters worse
I ate a BIG handful of raspberry lollies as well
I feel so sick
and fat
and bloated
I wish I was stronger

I'm so close
I can't lose it now
just another 5kg...
11lbs is all I ask...
I need to keep my mind on how close I am
I can't fail
I have to do this

punishments - ideas? I went over 800cal easily today
I need to punish myself for that
800 is my limit
and I blew it out of the water


I hope you're all doing better than me
I'll post pics soon if anyone wants to see

love, hugs and thin vibes
xxx