HORRIBLE WEEKEND

GOD DAMMIT!
It was my birthday on Friday (happy birthday to me - not)
And guess what I got?
No - not presents.
I got yelled at , that's what.
My partners dad is a fucking grumpy bastard since they came back from Vietnam, and he decided to take it out on me, after saying happy birthday (how thoughtful of him)
He yelled at me, I get snappy when I get upset, so I snapped at him - apparently it sounds like barking, because he told me that I 'bark at him like a dog' - thanks for calling me a dog, dad! how nice of you!
Anyway, this went on for about 20 minutes.
I called him a rude arrogant bastard, and left - my partner took me for a drive.
I spent half an hour crying my eyes out
Then when I got back to the house, he confronted me AGAIN - thankfully didn't yell at me this time, and I managed to bite my tongue (somehow).
It was all about how my school books are always in the lounge room - because I do school work every day (homeschool). He said they needed to go in mine and my partners bedroom, told me that's what the desk was for - told him the desk was already overflowing with stuff, that we needed a new storage unit - he said he didn't give a shit.
So I picked up my books, dropped them on my bed - the room had become trashed over the last day because he has become crazy cleaner and EVERYTHING that belongs to me or my partner has to be in our room - so I just turned on him and said "don't you DARE tell me that my room in messy now, because its your fault".
Didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
Surprisingly I didn't binge, I behaved.

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Saturday:

I was supposed to have a photoshoot (I do a tiny bit of modelling), but I didn't feel like going - and I have no idea why. Usually it makes me feel good. So I told the photographer I had been throwing up all morning, and if I didn't feel better by 2pm I wouldn't be able to make it. She was good about it and told me to rest, that we'd catch up another day.

Only thing was, two of my friends were also involved in that shoot, and it was going to be mine and one of theirs joint birthday parties that night.

Surprise surprise, I did end up feeling sick, but I had a fruit smoothie (no idea how many cal) and a bowl of noodles (400 cal). I used the 'feeling sick' excuse so that I wouldn't have to drink, appart from the fact that I'm not a fan of it anyway), but I still ate a handful of those Sweet Chilli and Sour Cream Red Rock Deli chips.

All in all, I felt very fat

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Sunday:

BINGE

no breakfast

MASSIVE FUCKING PLATE OF OILY TOMATO-SAUCE COVERED VEGETABLE PASTA for lunch (4pm)

got home and between 6pm and 7pm I had:

a bowl of noodles (400cal)

then a bag of chips (100cal)

two massive glasses of whole milk (400cal)

then a piece of cake (no fucking idea how many cal)

then before bed I had another massive glass of milk (about 200cal)

FUCK

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super happy fun weekend - NOT

and I couldn't even do my pilates AT ALL since Thursday

weighed myself

and SOMEHOW

by some MIRACLE

I've not gained

still 47.4kg

this week will be better

I'm home alone

so I can do my pilates

and not eat without drawing attention

and I'll be able to come on here too :)

Wish me luck,

I'm going to need it

stay strong, think skinny

xxxx