Quick Note

making up for yesterday

Pancakes = 200
Enchiladas (tofu) = 450ish

total = 650

I'll say 700 to be safe

still under 800
feeling better about today
better than yesterday
better get back to it before everything burns lol

hugs, love and thin vibes
xxx

Failure

I'm a fat cow
simple as that
I ignored the voice in my head
and my common sense
and all rational thought
for some fucking pizza
and a handful of raspberry lollies

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I was doing well
I had about 200cal worth of banana pancakes for breakfast
at lunch I had a banana
(yes I like banana)

and I was planning on having one slice of pizza
ONE SLICE
just because we were having a pizza party with my partners parents and some friends
but I went ahead and ate the WHOLE FUCKING THING
a piece of lebanese bread with tomato and bbq sauce
with tomato, pineapple, capsicum, red onion, and cheese on it
dinner-plate size
and I ate the whole thing

I'M A FAT PIG
its disgusing
I was happy today too
I managed to weigh myself
sort of
I used the scales at the BF's parents house
after breakfast, while partly dressed (as in I took my jeans off to weigh myself)
and I was 44.8kg - thats below 100lbs (about 99ish)
in the middle of the day
after drinking, eating breakfast, and while being partly dressed

and then I fuck it up with pizza
and to make matters worse
I ate a BIG handful of raspberry lollies as well
I feel so sick
and fat
and bloated
I wish I was stronger

I'm so close
I can't lose it now
just another 5kg...
11lbs is all I ask...
I need to keep my mind on how close I am
I can't fail
I have to do this

punishments - ideas? I went over 800cal easily today
I need to punish myself for that
800 is my limit
and I blew it out of the water


I hope you're all doing better than me
I'll post pics soon if anyone wants to see

love, hugs and thin vibes
xxx

A Positive Negative

the test and the day

yep, thats it folks - I'm not pregnant
good news I suppose :)

anyway
had a ton of fights with the BF today
but we're all good
surprisingly I didn't binge
which I usually do when I'm upset or angry

I felt the need to a few times
but that voice in my head stopped me
told me I don't need it
that I can survive
and I did
I'm going well now
all I need is a set of scales to see my weight

- cereal = 200
- beans on toast = 243
- McDonald’s lean beef burger w/o the meat = 200ish (over estimate to be safe)

TOTAL = 643

so bad day with good results :)

love, hugs and thin vibes ^_^
xxx

Good Day

INTAKE:
- light rye vegemite toast = 82
- beans on toast = 243
- vegie schnitzel = 142
- vegies = 23

TOTAL = 490

happy with that I am :)
although
I am going drinking tonight
I'll count my drinks and figure out the calories tomorrow
Hopefully I wont fuck up too badly

love, hugs and thin vibes!
xxx

EDIT: drinking was cancelled, total calories for today remains at 490 ^_^

Decisions

ok

things have got to change

I ate SHITLOADS yesterday

even when I felt sick, I kept eating
I'm going to start writing down what I eat and how many calories

just so I can seei

f I go over 800, I will punish myself

if I lose weight... well I guess it will be working, wont it?

maybe I'll treat myself when I reach a goal

if I thing I deserve it.
so I have decided that I'm going to blog every day now

and let you all know how I'm doing

I'll write my intake

and any exercise I do

and we'll go from there :)

another development...

my period is late

and I know for certain that its not stopped because I'm TOO THIN

because I'm nowhere near that

if I haven't got it by Sunday

I'm gonna do a preg. test

if it's positive, I don't know what I'm gonna do

my partner and I can barely afford to live at the moment as it is

maybe I'll have to drop school (distance education)

and get a job

and go back to school at a later date

oh well

we shall see

everything happens for a reason

today's intake:

- Cereal = 200

- Lentil Pattie = 133

- Cup of mixed veggies = 23

- Pumpkin and Spinach Lasagne = 400 (est)
TOTAL = 756

too close to my limit today... tomorrow will be better

anyone got any suggestions for what my punishment for going over 800cal should be?

also, if anyone wants to see body pics

let me know

I wanna know what you all think of me

love, hugs and thin vibes

xxx

new place

well
I'm currently sitting on my sofa (which has no cover)
looking at all the boxes of crap around me
I'm in my new place now
my partner and I finally moved out :)
just have to finish unpacking lol

I'm positive I gained while I was with my parents
but we have no scales, so I can't check
but god how I want to know what I'm dealing with here

I want to clean and unpack and get some order in here
but my significant other will get shitty with me if I do
I'm supposed to be doing study
lol
I'm procrastinating ^_^
I should get back to it I suppose
if I haven't at least done SOME study by the time he gets home
I'll be in trouble :P
lol and I'll be cranky at myself

wish me luck, lovelies :)
smiles, hugs and thin vibes
xxx

complications

Hey everyone

I know it's been ages since I have been here.
I feel bad for that
and for the fact that I haven't lost anything since my last post - but thankfully haven't gained
I have no idea how I've managed to keep a stable weight
but I'm not going to complain

so
my partner knows
I was having a bad night and he started complaining about feeling fat after eating McDonalds
he'd been doing that a lot actually, complaining about his weight
so I turned on him after he said it for about the 5th time in 10 minutes
and I basically said to him that I didn't want him to turn into me
he knows I had problems with eating in the past
so to start with I just made it out like I didn't want him to be like "I used to be"
but then I just forgot about tenses and started talking in the now
and had to explain to him that I sort of go through phases
happy with my weight for a month or so, hate myself for a while
he didn't freak and tell me to eat like I thought he would
he actually listened
and understood
he said as long as I don't get tooo thin, he doesn't care
as long as I'm happy

if only things were so easy with my parents
I'm visiting them at the moment
just for a week
and since the moment I got here mum has been telling me I need to eat
that I need to gain weight
and that I should drink 'protein drinks' because I'm vegetarian, and so I gain weight
its all about the weight to her
so i've been eating like what kinda seems to be 'normal'
I don't think I'm going over 1000cal
but it looks like a lot
so she is off my back a tiny bit
but I know I'm going to gain this week
can't wait til Sunday
going home and getting my food back under control

I'll be moving out with my partner then
so that will be the real test
will he be able to stand me when we're alone together?
will he still not care 'as long as I'm happy'?
we shall see
life will get interesting - probably complicated - over the next few weeks

stay tuned folks
love and thin vibes to all
stay strong

xxx